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Hello.  Thank you for calling The Pizza Place.  My name is Pizza Man.  Could I have your phone number please? Okay.  Now, could I please have the address where the pizza will be delivered too?  Is that 50702 or 50703? Sorry, what was that?  50613.  Sorry, you’re not in our area.   What was that again?  I’m sorry about that sir.  You might try and call the our store in Cedar Falls. Yep, they deliver to you.   Their number is ….  Thank you for calling.  We appreciate your business.

               
Hello. Thank you for calling The Pizza Place.  My name Pizza Man.  Yes, we have the anyway you want it special.  Yes that includes the Meat pizza.   Could I have your phone number please?  I’m sorry sir.  If we don’t have a phone number we can’t enter your order.  Yes, sir.  The computer’s set up like that.  No sir, your number…we don’t have caller id.   I ain’t got no control over that.  It’s determined by some big wig in cooperate.  Thank you.  Yah, having caller id would make it easier, believe me.   And your address?   Did you say Falls Avenue?  Sorry, sir that’s out of this store’s delivery area.  We do have a store near you though.  You’ve ordered from us before?  Ummmm.  Yes,  that store also has the anyway you want it special.  Naw, sorry we can’t transfer you to them.  That’d be nice though.  Their number is …. Thank you and we appreciate your business.

Hello. Thank you for calling The Pizza Place.  My name is Pizza Man.  Yes, that’s my real name.  Could I have your phone number please.  Hello. Hello?  You still there?   No, guess not.  Asshole.

Hello.  Thank you calling the Pizza Place.  My name is Pizza Man.  Could I have your phone number please?  Was that 5409? Oh, 9409.  9455? Sorry about that.  This phone ain’t been working right today.  Could I have the address that the pizzas’ are going to delivered too.  3^rd street?  Is that Waterloo?  Oh, Evansdale. Ok.  50707? And your name please.  Can you hold just a second?  —Hey John.  Can you quiet down a little I can’t hear t folks on the phone.—    Sorry about that.  Was that Denning?  Oh, Jennings.  Sorry.   Would you like to hear about our specials today?   We have the anyway you want it, any size for $10.00. There’s an extra charge for duplicate toppings—you know like double sausage or double beef—and for extra cheese.   We also have a large pizza with three toppings and wings for $15.99.  Today is also double pasta day—two orders of paste for the price of one.   Lasagna?  Sorry we no longer carry lasagna.  I’m not sure why?  We have the meaty marinara and the creamy chicken alfredo.   Taco pizza.  beef or chicken?  Chicken.  And what kind of crust today?  Thin, pan, or hand tossed?  Pan?  Well done? No problem.  Would like to add a breadstick and pop combo to that for just $5 more?  Breadsticks? Ok.  You total comes to  $16.98  Yes, sir the pizza is $10.  There is 98 cents tax and a $2.00 delivery charge.  The breadsticks are $4.00.  Take off the sticks?  No problem.  Your total comes too $12.70.  We should have it out to you in around 30 minutes.  Thank you.  And we appreciate your business.

Hello.  Hello this is The Pizza Place.  My name is…  Hell---looo?   Is anybody there.   Buttcall.

Hi. Thank you for calling The Pizza Place.  My name is Pizza Man.   Could I…  A large pepperoni?   Ten bucks.   A large Meat?   Ten bucks.  Could I have your…   A Supreme?  Ten bucks?  Could I have your phone number please.  Could I have the address to where it’s going to be delivered too?   The Oleson Rd behind Target?  The new section?  Yah, I’ll mark it down.  Some of the new guys don’t know about it.  No problem.  A large Supreme on pan crust?  Would you like to add breadsticks and a two liter with that for 5 bucks?  Just the pizza.  Okay. That’ll be $12.70. Your pizza will be there in about 30 minutes. Thank you and we appreciate your business.  Have a nice day.

Your deliveries are coming  out of the oven.

Okay boss.         

Hi there.  Thank you for calling The Pizza Place.  My name is Pizza Man.  Sure, she’s here.  Can you please hold. Boss it’s for you.

Okay. You need a two liter of Pepsi and a twenty ounce Dew. 

Where am I going?

Out to Hawkeye and Summerland.

Fun. Fun.  See you in bit.

        

Howdy

I like to follow the road while listening the distant drum, observing and tasting life. Last night, I sat thinking about the paths I’ve travelled. Traditional paths I see others tread with glee. I like to wander. I thought about the places I’ve seen. I took stock the faces and voices encountered along the way.

Pizza delivery is my occupation, meeting people is my job.  It’s a job I’ve enjoyed.  I’ve driven, met, served and explored the streets and faces of Waterloo, IA, Traverse City, MI, Ft. Collins, Co,  and Madison, WI.   I’ve delivered to streets with drug dealers.  I’ve seen the sunset below the Rocky Mountains.  I’ve felt the spray of Lake Michigan on my cheek.  I’ve listened to trumpets and saxophones on State Street. 

I’ve handed supper to the worn out meat packer playing with his children in the yard.   I’ve served the blunt smoking drug dealer and a few times did not declined the offer to puff.  I’ve chased the elderly women’s dog as it tried to escape down the street.  I’ve exchanged pizza for cash with politicians.  I’ve been stiffed by managers of TV stations.

I’ve smiled at them all.

I am 40.

Books and jots litter my computer, shelves, and sofa.   Words are my hobby.  Reading helps me discover the ideas and experiences of others.  Writing shows me my mind and digs my soul.

Words infected me in 1989.  It started off with poetry. Poetry lead to a play and short stories.  In the early 90's I went to Indian hill Community College.  My play Mere Existence was produced there 1993.   I enjoyed writing so much I went to UNI. I earned an English degree in 1997—yippee.  I’ve continued to write. I’ve published several bits of poetry in the online poetry journal Sketchbook, an essay called AK in UNI’s Inner Weather, and a dumbass socialist rant in a defunct ‘zine—Prodigy—in Traverse City.  I’ve also written for Sparechange—a ‘zine now deceased—Buddha, Allah, YWHY, and the Spaghetti Monster in the Sky bless it’s word laden, nonexistent soul. 

I’ve been delivering pizza since ’96.  It’s not a bad job. It’s given me enough to live off of. It’s supplied me with the freedom to explore different places and lands. I’ve hiked the streets and tasted meals in Nova Scotia, Stockholm, London, Montreal and Härnösand.

For now, that’s all from me. See you soon- like when you order a deep dish  littered with Italian sausage, onions and pepperoni.

Pizza Man